Claustrophobia

 

I live in one of the most beautiful places on earth.  Sitting in my  living room, I am mere minutes away from the crashing waves of the Pacific Ocean, the utterly transparent waters of the Smith River, and the damp solitude of the towering Redwoods.  This is a place to which people come to retire, to enjoy the most peaceful years of their lives among nature's finest displays.

 

But.

 

 There are times I hate it here. 

 

It rains.  A LOT.  Granted, I am used to this, having grown up in a neighboring county with very similar weather, but I've always detested the rain, and the drippy blanket of fog that always seems to hover until lunchtime, even on our sunniest days.  Most of the time, the skies are a milky gray color, puddling over any hint of blue.  And it's cold.  Lap blankets and thick sweaters are kept close at hand until at least June, maybe later, depending upon our unpredictable weather patterns.

 

It's more than just the weather, though.  Each year it seems like the crime rate here climbs higher and higher.  Things that made the news of record once in a great while have now become commonplace.  The rampant use of meth is apparent in the sallow-faced, rail-thin people stumbling around the supermarkets and sidewalks in town. 

 

This place is depressing.  It is difficult to see the beauty around me when I feel invisible tendrils of something nefarious slowly winding around me.  Even today, the muddled watercolor gray skies seem to have leaked their colorlessness over everything, leaving the sometimes vibrant greens and golds of my yard looking lifeless and dull. 

 

I want to go somewhere else, somewhere bright and warm and cheerful for once.  I want to see the sun more than three months of a good year.  I want to go somewhere alive.

 

 

Fool for School

**Disclaimer!  If my homeschooling friends are reading this blog, keep in  mind that I am in no way slamming homeschooling.  I have met so many homeschooling families in recent years and have heard very good things about homeschooling.  My  purpose is to show the other side of the coin;  the benefits of public school as my family knows them.  Any offense taken is your own responsibility. 

 

 

In case you're new here, I'll let you in on a not-so-secret thing about me:  I love education.   Reading has been an integral part of my life from the day I learned how to do it, and since then I've been on a quest to gather as much knowledge about subjects that interest me as I possibly can.  My Netflix queue is full of documentaries, historical dramas, historical fiction, you get the idea.  If I can learn from it, it's there.

 

As I mentioned earlier, if you know me at all, you know this about me.  Couple this with my love of imparting that knowledge, especially to children, and you get the question that has been posed to me several times lately, "You love to teach. You've got three kids AND you're a Christian family.  Why aren't you homeschooling?"  After mulling over the reason why I keep getting asked about it, I decided to share the reasons I send my children to public school.

 

 

God hasn't called me to homeschool.

 

I know, I know.  Some folks see that as blasphemy right there.  But the truth is, some of us are called to be a part of the public school community, sending our children there daily and maybe even working there.  When you think of it from a believer's point of view, public schools are a mission field - not for outright proselytizing, but for living what you believe and demonstrating Christianity in action.  My children are getting a good, solid foundation for their faith through our church and through our home life, and they get the opportunity to "put their money where their mouths are", so to speak, by practicing what they've learned about how God says to treat others and deal with others in a very real way on a daily basis.

 

 

 

 

Our public elementary school is excellent.

 

We are blessed to live within walking distance of, in my opinion, the very best school in our county.  The quality of education at this school is terrific.  Should we run into any issues with behavior or academics, teachers and administration welcome me in for a discussion of possible solutions and how to make them happen.  The key to being happy with a public school is to be an involved parent.  The environment at our school is friendly and open to parents, encouraging them to be present as much as they wish. 

 

Additionally, our teachers REALLY know the topics for their grade level.  Given my love of research and learning, I could easily read up on each subject myself, but I am confident in the abilities of our instructors.  Having seen firsthand how kids internalize information differently depending upon who is teaching, I like the idea that they get to learn from various teachers, gathering information in various voices that emphasize things I might not, were I teaching them myself.

 

 

 

My kids are learning how to work with people who aren't like them.

 

The coolest thing about our public school experience has been watching my kids learn how to deal with different personalities, most of which they wouldn't be exposed to if they weren't in public school.  And I'm not talking hoodlums!  The public school system affords kids the opportunity to be friends with other kids from all sorts of different backgrounds - socioeconomic, ethnic, religious, educational, etc.  I want them to meet people who aren't like them, get to know them, and learn how to effectively work with them. 

 

And yes, this means they are going to run into people they don't like, or who don't like them.  Admittedly, I cringe when they come home with stories of how Mary Mean Girl made snide remarks about their choice of outfit, or how Jerry Jerk Boy said a rude word to them on the playground.  But mean girls and boys don't necessarily change when they become grown-ups.  Goodness knows I've met my fair share of mean girls who grew up to be mean mommies.  It's unpleasant to watch and to know your child is experiencing mean-ness, but it teaches them valuable lessons as well;  lessons about their own inner strength, their inability to change another person, acting on the teaching that we ought to love our enemies, and the general lesson that jerks are everywhere, but life goes on.

 

 

 

Finally, my kids are happy and thriving in public school!

 

As the saying goes, if it ain't broke, don't fix it!  My children are absolutely thriving at their public school, developing their hearts and minds at an excellent pace with very pleasing results.  There is absolutely no reason to switch things up on them when they are doing so well in an environment they love with educators they admire and respect.  Whatever educational path you choose, if those are your results, just keep doing what you're doing!



 

 

Just one of those days.

 

 

 

I am frustrated.  It feels lately like a  bunch of little things that usually would just bother me have conspired to work together to create an avalanche of irksome things with the sole purpose of making me feel like I'm going to lose it.

 

 

There's the usual day to day stuff that comes with running a household, being a mother, and working often in a public school.  Bothersome, but eh.  I can deal.  But wait!  How about some encounters with frenemies?  Parental drama?  Too-short bangs?  Extra responsibilities?  A PTSO with a membership total of exactly ZERO and a board of officers whose number could fit into a thimble? 

 

 

Yeah. 

 

 

Usually, I can organize a logical plan of attack in my  head and "fix" thing with a methodical approach.  It's not working this time.  What I really need is a giant cup of coffee, a good british miniseries, and an entire day to shut my door against people and frustrations and life.

Pride and Prejudice

They're out there, and they are legion.  So convinced of their awesomeness, they are eager to bestow it upon the unwashed masses (that's how they view you and me).  Their opinions are presented as gospel truth, and those who question it or, God help them, disagree, are immediately denounced as unintelligent, simple, and in need of correction. 

 

Pride.

 

 

Let me say, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being proud of a job well done, or of something that's taken a lot of effort to accomplish.  That's a pride that's earned.  No, the kind of pride I'm talking about is the grandiosity that comes from a person so utterly convinced they are smarter, holier, right-er, or...well, just about any -er you can think of.  THAT pride makes the person expressing it look pompous and arrogant, and it makes the person on the receiving end of it feel inadequate and small. 

 

 

Now comes my battle cry:  What does the bible say about it?   Thankfully, this is one of the topics the bible addresses repeatedly and thoroughly.

 

 

Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes?  There is more hope for a fool than for him.

                                                                              Proverbs 26:12

 

 

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

                                                                              Phillipians 2:3

 

 

Live in harmony with one another.  Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.

                                                                              Romans 12:16

 

 

These three verses particularly resonate with me.  As Christians, we are specifically called to be humble, not arrogant.  We are directed not to act like, or believe we are better, smarter, or any -er than anyone else.  And we are specifically told not to create rivalries between ourselves and others - that includes homeschooling vs. public schooling, denomination vs. denomination, or at-home parent vs. working parent. 

 

Humility is underscored and given as a directive.

 

Even the  most humble among us struggle with pride in some form or other.  We're not perfect, but we have to at least try. 

 

 

 

  



Never confuse movement with action - Ernest Hemingway

This is me...

 

 

Hoo boy, it's been a while since I've even opened this blog, and probably even longer since someone has actually read it.  If anyone's still out there (hello?), I'm in the process of revamping this thing to make it more relevant to my daily life and all the fun stuff that goes along with it.  Props to my best buddy for launching her new blog, giving me the motivation to breathe some life back into this poor place!

 

Fickle is as Fickle Does

If you've been reading this blog for very long (or, say, at all), you've probably realized I'm not much of a social person.  Given my own way, I'd stay holed up in my comfy house reading a good book, meandering in the back yard, or interacting with my kids.  The thought of being "out there" with lots of people, even people I know, makes me anxious, even if I do force myself to go and end up having a wonderful time.  My comfort zone consists of family and a small number of very close friends.

Finding those close friends, however, has always been a challenge.  Early on, I learned that girls are fickle creatures, and friendship with other girls usually involves cattiness and drama.  Growing up, I had one very good, very close female friend.  Most of my other friends were guys, and I preferred the straightforward nature of those friendships. 

These days, I'm somewhere in the middle.  Overall, I think I'd still rather hang out with a group of guys than a group of girls, though my closest friends in the world are women.  Even as adults and mothers, though, there has been a fair amount of cattiness and silly, juvenile behavior that drives me absolutely crazy.  Maybe it's silly, but I'm surprised to see grown women holding on to the stupidity that drove the high school cliques back in the day.  Are we women really that shallow, that we need to be the center of attention, or draw that attention to things we don't like about others?  Why is it so difficult to focus on being the best mother and person we can possibly be and let everyone else do the same? 

Crawling my way back into blogging

So it's been a long time since I've been here.  Ages.  I haven't even logged into Blogger to check on the blogs I subscribe to, because life has been so incredibly hectic and unpredictable. 

The teaching gig was fun, but I opted out for next year.  Life was going at such a breakneck pace, I felt like I was being pushed down my own path by a barreling locomotive.  While I think I did a fairly good job at teaching, I know without a doubt that the quality of my mothering and wife-ing suffered tremendously, and when it comes right down to it, the mothering and wife-ing are what mean the very most to me, so I decided they must come first.  Maybe someday I'll return to the world of elementary academia.  If I do, I'll go with the knowledge that I had a good, solid first year (which is quite an accomplishment in itself), and with the knowledge that I am welcome to return when I'm ready. 

For now, the goal is to transition back into a life that's not going 900 miles an hour, to a focus on my family and my home that doesn't make me hyperventilate because there are piles and piles of things that still need to be done, there are children desperate for attention, and what DID I plan to make for dinner?  Breathing is the name of the game.