Tuesday, May 31, 2011

*tap tap*

I am one of those horribly annoying people who arrives at her destination five minutes early on purpose.  I hate being late and will go to great lengths to avoid it at all costs.  The thing is, I completely understand that the rest of the world doesn't think like me, and I have no problem with waiting an extra ten minutes for the other person to show up...as long as they actually show up.

Today I had an appointment. Well, the appointment was originally scheduled yesterday but I got a call shortly before the scheduled time with a request to postpone until this afternoon.  No problem.  I re-arranged a few things and made sure I'd be able to meet at the place we'd agreed.  True to form, I was there five minutes early and waited.  And waited.  And waited.  After being there fifteen minutes, I threw in the towel and left.  A couple hours later, I still have yet to get a phone call or text explaining just what happened.  I'm not typing in a fit of rage, but I'm more than a little irked.  It seems to me if you care enough about an appointment to reschedule it because of your own poor planning, you ought to care even more about making the rescheduled time so you don't look like a completely inconsiderate person.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Food for Thought

Forgiveness has always been difficult for me.  It's easier to hold onto the negative feelings associated with the things people have done in the past than even consider forgiving them and moving on.  I think that tendency to hold on causes more damage in the long run, and I'm making an effort to move closer to forgiveness of the wrongs done by a few specific people long ago, though I will never forget them.

Bearing all that in mind, Mr. Donald Miller shares a poignant view of the topic at his blog.

Sunday, May 22, 2011


A couple of days ago I did something I haven't done in years.  I cried in front of someone - someone besides my husband.

I can hear you now.  "So what's the big deal?  Everybody cries, right?  Who cares if someone sees it?"  Let me tell you, it's a big deal to ME.  In my twisted little brain, crying equals weakness, and you don't show weakness unless you're prepared to have it used against you.  Shoving emotional displays down until they're smooshed into a teensy ball of something that can be filed away for sometime later when I'm alone has become a sort of defense mechanism of mine from childhood.  And there are a million examples I can give you to show how good an idea it was when I was growing up, but that's a topic for another day.  

Suffice it to say, I modeled my EQ (that's emotional intelligence quotient) after this guy:

After a while, the Vulcan in me became second nature.  No irrational outbursts and absolutely no crying in front of people.  That is, until Friday, when I found myself talking about things I really thought I had an emotional handle on.  Out of nowhere, I started getting teary-eyed.  It still frustrates me to think of allowing my exterior to crack like that.  Luckily I was with a dear friend, and she encouraged me to be emotional if I felt like it. 

I feel like I'm going though a lot of personality upheaval lately, and while some of it is welcome change, some of it - like this crying thing - unnerves me.  It's left me not quite sure what to think, but I suppose if change is coming I'd better figure out the best way to adjust to it.  Maybe I'd better stock up on eyeliner and Kleenex...

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

He who sings scares away his woes. ~Cervantes

I love to sing.  To those who have known me longer than ten minutes, this comes as no great surprise.  Ever since I can remember, I've had one song or other going in the back of my mind at all times, and when content I tend to hum along with the music as I do chores and tasks throughout the day.  I do play a handful of instruments as well, but I consider voice my primary instrument and take the most pleasure in using it and using it often.

Since moving to Del Norte, the prospects of using my voice for anything more than group worship on Sunday mornings at church have been very dim.  This area of the state isn't exactly known for its booming music scene, and being the shrinking violet I was for a large chunk of time after we moved here, I was far too anxious about meeting new people to go out and seek out opportunities to sing with them.  So I sang with the radio and reminisced about my high school and university choral groups.  Not at all satisfying.

Then, wonder of wonders, a community choir began right here in Crescent City!  I eagerly joined and had a complete blast for a while, even garnering a solo on a song I wasn't all that familiar with.  But slowly, the glitz of the choir wore off and I was left feeling dissatisfied, wanting to be more than one voice in a group of nearly a hundred.  Something was lacking in the experience, so I started looking again. 

Our church worship leader had approached me about joining the team for a while, but the schedule never worked out for me.  A couple of weeks ago, I was able to move some things around and showed up for the first time ever to worship practice.  My voice was still recuperating from a nasty cold, so I did a little bit of keyboard and waited impatiently for the raspiness to go away.

This Sunday everything clicked.  Not only was I able to sing most of the notes (the cold is almost gone!), but it all felt right.  Everyone was in top form so the instrumentation was fantastic.  I got to do vocals with a dear friend who doesn't give herself near enough credit for her singing abilities, and I had a sense of peace and belonging about being up there that I've never had with any other group I've been part of.  Without a doubt, this is what I'm intended to be doing right now and I plan to enjoy every minute!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Super-ize me!

This morning was our local Pregnancy Care Center's Walk For Life.  The center is near and dear to my heart because they do such good works in our community.  Not only do they provide information and care for women in every stage of pregnancy, they also provide free pregnancy tests, counseling services and parenting classes.  An entirely pro-life organization, they counsel women on the benefits of going to term with their pregnancies and the options out there for women who give their unborn children the very best chance at life they can.  It's a noble organization and I was really pleased to be able to participate in a fundraiser that supports them.                

The team I joined for the walk decided to do a superhero theme.  We were christened the Pro-Life League, so I put my creative powers to use and came up with the perfect costume:  The Pacifier!  I put my meager but mad sewing machine skillz to work and threw together a cape, mask and pretty sketchy pacifier symbol for my shirt.  Turns out, we were the only ones in costume, so we won the costume category by default.  Despite the drizzly weather, we completed the walk, raised money for babies and mothers and had an excellent time, all while playing dress-up.  Great day!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Cough. Cough.

Stay far, far away from heavy equipment while on this stuff.
I am sick. Again.  For something like the fourth time in 2011, I have lost my voice.  For a singer, this is maddening.  I can handle not being able to yell at the kids and having to squeak my way through phone calls.  But not being able to hum along with the radio or sing silly little songs to the kids to hurry them along in the morning?  Completely unacceptable!

I spent all day yesterday in a Mucinex-induced haze.  I could breathe great, but my head felt like it was made out of Jello and I still don't quite remember how the laundry got out on the line.  Smart me grabbed the extra strength Mucinex, forgetting that even one Benadryl is usually enough to knock me for a loop.  I just wanted this stupid cold gone.  I ended up going to bed at 9:00 and sleeping like the dead, which never happens.  This morning I'm feeling a teensy bit better, but the voice is still pretty rough.

Naturally, I lose my voice before my very first practice with the church worship team.  I've been hoping and planning to be a part of this group for over a year.  When things finally lined up right with practice times and prior obligations, it only makes sense that I catch a cold that renders me vocally useless, right?  Thankfully the worship leader is planning to throw some instrumentation my way, so it'll all pan out but yeesh.

So I'm chomping vitamin c, drinking water and crossing my fingers that I'll be back to normal soon so I can stop feeling sorry myself and get back to enjoying life!
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